The Trip to Indy

The next morning, the Drs checked me out, told me that not much had changed over the night, and there were basically two options ahead of us:

1) There was a possibility that they could do a procedure to stitch the cervix more closed and help the baby go full term. It was extreemly risky, and the Drs there would not be willing to do it. We could go to Indy, to the IU high risk Drs, and have them make a decision since they deal with high risk pregnancies like this all the time.

or

2) We could go home, accept that this pregnancy was over, and let the baby come when he would.

The Drs left us alone so we could talk about it and make a decision. Mark and I talked about it, prayed about it, and we both felt like it was the best thing to do to try everything we could for our baby.

So! The transfer arrangements were made, an ambulance was called, and off I went to the IU hospital. Mark drove separately, and I was really, really scared to go by myself. When they lifted me onto the stretcher thing and started to wheel me to the back of the car, I thought I was doing good to stay calm. After I said good bye to Mark though...I was less brave. They slamed the doors closed, and as we pulled out onto I-65, I started to hyperventilate.

Oh Great, I thought, just what I needed, a panic attack. Must stay calm, must stay calm. Staaaaaay caaaaaaalm....

It is easier said than done though. Despite my best intentions at yoga breathing, it was not working. To make matters worse, there was a person in the back of the ambulance with me, so in addition to freaked out, uncomfortable, and scared, I was (irrationally) embarrassed. It was a pretty complicated mix of emotions.

Finally, in an effort to remain calm I tried to think of the words of hymns. The only problem was I could not get through a single verse of any hymn or primary song, and I tried 5 or 6 before giving up. I could get about 8 words in before going blank, and not even remembering the tune. After that, I was even more freaked out because, in addition to everything else, I was losing my mind. Then I thought of a mix of scriptures (I was a little panicked, so nothing was a direct quote) along the lines of that this experience would be for my good, and that God would not ask me to do something without His help. That helped me to calm down, and then then I remembered the words of the blessing extremely clear:

You will be able to carry this baby as long as needed.

I clung to that thought. I could carry this baby as long as needed. As long as needed. Whatever that time frame was, I trusted God, and I knew I could do it. If he needed to come now, then he could; if not, then we would both fight through this for as long as we needed. I repeated that phrase to myself over and over and over, You can carry this baby as long as needed, you can carry this baby as long as needed. I felt peace flood through me. You can carry this baby as long as needed.

I fell asleep with those words on my mind.

When we got to Indy, they took me on a stretcher to my room. Dr. G came in, and he had me explain to him what happened. They brought in an ultrasound monitor, checked out the baby, and he examined me. Then he explained the situation to me and Mark.

There was too much liquid out of the uterus for him to do the surgery. If they tried to push them back in, there is a chance that they could break, and that would induce labor and we would lose the baby for sure. The best thing was to wait it out, and see what happened.

He told me that he had had ladies in my condition stay like this until they were full term. Others went a few weeks, and others a few days. There was really no way to tell. We were content with waiting it out, and seeing what happened.

Mark emailed my professor Dr. Allain and told him what happened. He also emailed his adviser's and teachers (this was the first day of the spring semester) and explained the situation to them. Everyone was extremely supportive and said that the most important thing was for him to be with me and his son in the hospital. He could work from there, watch his lecture on line, and scan and submit his homework on line.

Mark was able to stay with me and work from the hospital room. Oh how glad I was that mark could stay with me!

So! We had officially set up camp in the IU hospital. It was a great place to be. I nurses and staff were incredible. I was pretty comfortable, Mark was comfortable, and we were in a holding pattern to see what would happen with our sweet little boy!

First Night at the Hospital

I had a very important experience in the hospital that first night. It was a difficult and humbling experience, but it provided a basis from which to grow. It was the beginning of a string of experiences I would have during my stay in the hospital that deepened my understanding of what a mothers love is. It also opened my eyes to what death and loss and mourning are, to what the purpose of the comforter is, to how precious our temple covenants are, and to what a glorious knowledge the plan of salvation truly is.

The first night at the hospital was physically and emotionally the hardest. Physically, of course I hurt (I will spare you the details). Emotionally, I also hurt: the day before, everything seemed so fine, so safe. Mark and I were expecting parents, then sudenly we were...something else, but what I wasn't sure. It was all so new and it had happened so fast.

I remember in what seemed like the darkest, hardest part of the night, when I was so physically and emotional tired, and drained, and weary, I asked God:

If we are supposed to lose the baby... could he please come soon so I can be spared all this pain?

Then, I felt Jaden kick.

As I realized the implications of what I had just asked for, I recoiled in shock and guilt. I started to cry all over again. This time, it was for my own selfishness, not because I was scared.

Ask that my baby die so that I could have a few more days of comfort?! What the heck kind of person am I?!

It was the most selfish thing I could possibly have wanted. After I thought about it like that, I didn't care how much I hurt. I realized just how much I loved that baby. I knew, without a doubt, that I would go through any amount of pain, if that is what it took to keep him alive. In fact, it didn't really matter if he was going to make it or not.

He was my son. I was going to fight it out for him, whatever the outcome.

From that moment on, my pain seemed less. It is incredible how much will and perspective can change a situation, especially when pain is involved. My perspective changed from when will this end? to I am doing this for my Jaden. I think it was also a blessing of the spirit in response to my change in faith and attitude. I felt peace and calmness flood through me. I put my hand on my tummy, and felt Jaden kick again. This time, I smiled.

Hang in there little guy, I thought to him, your mommy is here for you.

For the rest of the night, I slept as much as I could, and when I got scared, I put my hand on my belly and felt for Jaden's kicks. If he was fighting, so could I. He needed me, and I was the only person who could help him through this.

As I look back, I think maybe I needed to spend time in the hospital more than Jaden needed to. I treasure the time I had there, so very, very much. That may sound bad, and it may be hard for people to understand. It's not that I would have picked to have been there; its more that if I needed to go through this, there was nothing possible that could have happened better. My experience was filled to overflowing with tender mercies. It confirmed to me once again that my Heavenly Father loves me. And more than that, he knows me. He knows my weaknesses and my insecurities. He knew what would be hardest for me, and over and over again He provided for me in a tender and loving way. He knew that I would need time to think, and adjust, and learn, and grow. He knew I needed to spend quite time with Jaden in the hospital. He knew I neeed to be there with Doctors for when I had questions, to not have any regrests that we had done all we could. He knew I needed time to really think and reflect on what it meant to be a mother. My time in the hosptial was about Jaden. His mortal experience was different than what I thought it was going to be, but most of the time motherhood isnt about what is best for the mom; its about sacrifice, and doing what is best for the child, even when it is hard. I needed to think through that, to enjoy what I could for what it was. Yes, it was a special, sacred experience. Jaden needed parents. He needed a body and to come to earth.  I am eternally grateful to be his mother. I look forward to when I can get to know him, to hug him, to hold him.  I look forward to the resurection when Jaden will be called forth from the grave. I want to live in such a way that I can be there for that. I can't help thinking about Jaden now without thinking about Easter and the incredible gift that our Savior has provided for us.

Finding out there was a problem

A few days after the nesting madness came to a peak, I went in to work to help Dr. Allain grade final reports and process grades to submit for the end of the semester.

After I finished, I was working on a few things for my project (looking into ordering pieces for the magnetron deposition chamber I was designing), but I just didn't feel right. My guts felt strange, and finally I asked if I could go home. Dr. Allain said of course I could go home, and he suggested that I call my Dr.

I went home, and I called the Dr office, but all the nurses were out. Since I had seen my Dr. the day before and told her that my guts were feeling weird and she said not to worry about it, the receptionist said that most likely things were fine, but that I could call back when the nurses came back from lunch. I didn't call back.

I didn't really feel better the next day, or the day after. On Monday night, I started spotting a little. It was still within what the Dr. said was ok, but I just felt like I needed to call the dr. right then. I called the Dr, and the office set up an appointment for me to go have my first ultrasound moved up from later that week on thursday to the next morning on tuesday.

The receptionist told me to go to the appointment with a full baldder, so by-golly I drank 3 full sized glasses of water and we drove to the appointment. That was a very bad idea. Since we were an emergency appointment, we had to wait for 2 hours to see the technitian...and my bladder suffered the whole time. I could not sit down I had to pee so bad. At last they called us to go back, and they started the ultrasound.

Keep in mind that the poor ultrasound technicians are not allowed to tell you anything when you go in to your appointment, you have to wait for anything official to come from a Dr or a nurse. Our technician was really nice, and pointed out to us things like the heart and the head and that we were having a boy (yay!) and to us, everything seemed fine and dandy. After a while, she said that I could go to the bathroom. Overjoyed to get to go potty, I went to the bathroom. That was when I first became aware that something was really, really wrong. I walked slowly back to the ultrasound room, found the technician, and explained to her as best I could what had happened.

She was not allowed to say anything to me, so she sat me down on a chair in the hallway to wait while she called the Drs office and let a nurse explain the situation to me. So that was what I did. I sat in the chair, confused, held the phone with trembling hands, and listened while the nurse explained. I was fully dilated and I needed to go to the hospital immediately.

It is very strange when you get news like that. I am so glad Mark was there with me. I was scared, and I was confused. We headed to the hospital. As we drove, I clutched the printouts of the ultrasound that the nurse gave me, gazed at the beautiful profile of the miracle that was growing inside of me, and cried. Mark held my hand and smiled, "I'm so proud of you," he told me, "you're doing a great job, and it'll be ok." I smiled back as best I could, and dried my tears. "You can be brave!" he said, "you can be brave for our little boy". Basically, I married the most wonderful, supportive, optimistic man in the world. I love him with all my heart, and I can't imagine life without him.

It was slow going as we drove to the hospital. We were having a terrible winter storm that day so the roads were miserable. It was snowy and freezing rain-y and more snowy so visibility was poor and it was a slippery mess. Not only is Mark a wonderfully supportive husband, he has nerves of steel. During that ride to the hospital, Mark continued to smiled and tell me over and over that he loved me, that I was doing a great job, and that he was proud of me. I told him that I was scared, but that I would do my best to be brave. Besides, getting upset would only make whatever was happening worse.

"Good thing I am wearing my grown up jewelry" I told him. :-) We laughed.

See, I have a beautiful necklace that I purchased at a jewelry party my wonderful friend Amanda Baer had. It was a big deal to me that Mark said I could get whatever piece of jewelry I wanted at the party, so it was a momentous occasion. We are poor college kids, so this was the most expensive piece of jewelry I have ever purchased (which means it was more than $5, so the ceiling was pretty low). I completely love this necklace. I tell you this now, only so you understand what I mean by "my grown up jewelry". The beautiful necklace I purchased was dubbed my grown up jewelry, and I only wore it on special occasions. Since I felt like I needed some extra help to be brave when I went to the ultrasound that morning, around my neck the grow-up jewelry went to buoy my bravery. :-) I could be a big girl. I could be brave. I had on grown up jewelry. :-)

When we got to the hospital, we walked carefully up, got put into a wheelchair by the nurses, and were admitted. My regular Dr. happened to be the Dr on call that day, and she came and checked me out. Then she explained the situation we were facing.

I had a weak cervix, and the weight of the baby had caused it to thin and dilate early. The membranes that keep the baby inside in its liquid was starting to come out, and over 50% of the liquid volume was outside of the uterus. The baby was still in the womb, he was still doing fine, but things were not good. She told me that people from the NICU were going to come over and explain to me about premature babies.

When the NICU nurses came, they explained to us the weight limitations for helping preemie babies. If the babies are too little, the tubes would not fit insides of them. Jaden was 2 weeks before the developmental stage where he could live outside the womb, and if he came now, there was no chance that he could live on his own, and they would not be able to help him. If he could stay inside for 2 more weeks and then be born, there was a 5% chance that he could live a normal life, but most likely he would have some kind of developmental problems.

Its staggering when you hear news like this. The two weeks they talked about seemed like an eternity, and even then it was going to be an uphill battle for out little guy, possibly for the rest of his life.

While we waited in the hospital while senior drs came and examined me and conferred with my normal dr, Mark called around to friends of ours to see if anyone was able to come and give me a blessing. I am so glad that Trevor, a friend of Marks from work, was able to leave work, brave the terrible weather, drive down to the hospital on the other side of town, and help mark give me a blessing.

Oh, that blessing. It was my beacon of comfort so many times during my stay at the hospital. I am so grateful for worthy priesthood holders who are able to give blessings of counsel, comfort, and healing. The parts that gave me the most comfort were 1) that I was not to have guilt, 2) that I had done nothing to cause this, and 3) that I would be able to carry the baby for as long as needed.

Later during our stay at the hospital, the Drs confirmed several times that nothing I had done had caused this to happen. They stressed over and over that I shouldn't start thinking, "if only I had not gone on a walk," or "what if I had just sat around instead of cleaning the past few weeks?" It was relieving to hear them say this, just like it was relieving to hear what I had been told in the blessing, because I had a surprising amount of guilt. Guilt for not 'being a better mother', for not being able to keep the baby full term, or something along those lines.

Irrational guilt, yes, but strong guilt nonetheless.

The Drs said we could stay the night and they would reevaluate the situation in the morning. They tipped me back and had me lie flat with my head low and my feet up. While we waited out the evening until it was late enough to try going to bed, Mark and I looked on the internet to find a name for our son. I asked that he look at the names with significant meanings. We looked at lots and lots of names, and the one I loved the moment I heard it was Jaden, which means "Jehovah has heard", or (according to several websites), "God is listening."

Jaden Pfeil. Our son. God is listening, and our baby boy is in His hands.

I knew that God had heard our prayers to have children. I knew that Jaden was our answer. I knew I had received a blessing of the priesthood for the healing of the sick. Whatever happened, I felt that everything was going to be ok.

'Ok' in my mind, did not mean that Jaden had to live.

'Ok', to me, meant that God's will would be done, and whatever it was, that was what I wanted to happen.

After a while, Mark and I said our evening prayers together, read together, and Mark got the couch ready for him to sleep on. Oh, how I love my husband.

Nesting and mess making

So! You may have noticed an increase in the posts around here recently about decorating and/or cleaning the house. I was trying to get the house all organized and in shape before we had our baby. I was pretty determined, and even printed off all the baby steps from Fly Lady, and taped them to the back of my bathroom door, totally and completely gearing up for post graduation, pre-baby having, good habit forming boot camp.

See, Mark is naturally a very organized and neat person. And I, on the other hand...am not.

But! I know how much he likes to have things clean, so I really try to make things nice for him so he feels comfortable. So! That was the plan: Make. Good. Habits.

The other focus was on not volunteering myself to do too many things. See, I would also say that I am a creative person, and periodically I need to make something or I will explode. But, when I get into one of those creative moods...somehow (I am not quite sure) the house is destroyed in the process. And every time I am surprised (that's the part Mark thinks is hilarious). I will look around at the aftermath and ask in disbelief "what was I thinking?!" Mark will just laugh, shake his head, and shrug. I am daily surprised at how lucky I am to be married to Mark. When a man can go to sleep with the house looking great, then wake up with the house looking some-what-less-than-great (aka a disaster-her) and take it all in stride...it is pretty remarkable. I sure love my husband.

So! The nesting period of my pregnancy culminated in reorganizing every closet in our house, taking several van loads to good will, washing all of our laundry, cleaning out my closet and shoe collection, and deep cleaning all the rooms in the house. I got up, and for several days, the only thing I wanted to do was organize and clean stuff. I would try to come up with an activity for the afternoon and the best thing I could come up with was, "I know! Let's clean out Mark's sock drawer!"

I thought it was cabin fever from winter and not used to being out of school, but my mom said it seemed like I was "nesting" and I thought, "oh, how funny! Since I am not even near time to have this baby, I wonder what I will be like in a few months!".

It's strange in hind sight how a lot of the time our bodies are smarter than we are, and when we are near to giving birth, these hormones (which I think are responsible for nesting?) kick in, regardless of how far along we are. In hind-site, it is good that I did this whole nesting thing, because after we got back from the hospital, I was in pain and I didn't want to move because it hurt. :-)

Luckily! The house was clean, the laundry was done, the freezer was stocked, and things were ok. We could just take time to be with family and friends, and that was a real blessing.

My First Pregnancy

When I first found out that we were going to have a baby, I was very excited, and very nervous. Obviously, being a parent is not something I had done before, and I didn't know what to expect. So! Like any good engineer, I started doing research. I went to the library and checked out a million books. And then I read and I read and I talked with my mom and my sisters, and it really helped me feel more secure. Being a first time parent is intimidating. To complicate matters, there are so many different takes on what a "good" parent is and does. A lot of the stuff I sifted through, I put back. It didn't sit with what me and mark think about being parents, and what we want for our family and relationship with our kids. My favorite advise came from a book my sister sent me (more on that later!). It was awesome! The book also had really helpful information about the mechanics about being a parent-what to look for when your kid gets sick, what to do when this happens, how to breast feed, how to change a diaper, etc. It also had information on weird things that may happen that are actually normal that you should not worry about (like the black poop babies have when they are first born, for instance. Strange! Good thing someone told me so that I don't think my child's intestines are melting)

Mark was just excited the whole time, and would tell me about how he was going to teach the baby to throw food and tease mommy (which made me feel so much more confident that our kid would turn out normal) ;-) "Remember, you probably shouldn't teach him that licking people is a good way to make friends". Mostly Mark says those things to tease me. I think ;-)

Here are some of my favorite things that happened in this pregnancy:

For starters, I really liked the pregnancy work-out/yoga videos that you can rent from the library or watch on netflix. The variety was really nice, and the workouts helped my back to not be so sore. And! It made me happy! :-) Some of them, at the end of the practice, would have meditation time with the baby, and you would sit there and breath and think about the baby and just spend time with them. I really liked that. It is really easy to just go about life and not remember that there is a little person growing inside of you and take the time to enjoy it.

I completely loved the stretchy pants that my mom sent me in a fabulous pregnancy care package. Pants that don't make me feel fat? Shirts that don't make me look fat? Dark chocolate?Best Gift Ever! Totally wonderful. It was just like a long distance hug :-) My sister and my mom went shopping and got me wonderful clothing. It was so very much appreciated. When you are first getting big, your clothes get tight, and you don't realize how uncomfortable your belly is until you get into something that is made for you. Pregnancy clothes are soo not over rated. They are awesome. Thank you, thank you, thank you mom!

As far as food cravings go, I loved crunchy tacos from taco bell. I think that was the only thing that I "craved" with this baby. Once I even asked mark to get me some late at night. Yes, it is true. And he did! :-D He was already out and he was calling me to tell me he was on his way home...so asking him to stop and get me crunchy tacos, while being an odd request, was not way out of line. And they were very yummy. mmmm.

And as far as weird food aversions go, apparently, milk chocolate was a bad idea. Lets just say, I ate some that came in my Christmas stocking, and 5 minutes later it made for a not-so-merry Christmas morning, let me tell you. But! Luckily! Dark chocolate was a-ok. Hallelujah!

My sister also send me a pregnancy care package!! :-D I was extreemly spoiled, I know :-) Her package contained the wonderful baby book I mentioned, an extremely wonderful nightgown, several super cute tops, and other nursing essentials :-) Thanks the Teek! And let me just say, that baby book was incredible. It's called "The Baby Book" and I completely love it. It is written by a pediatrician and his wife (who is a nurse) and they have had 7 children together. It is laid out chronologically by topic and covers parenthood from prenatal to 2 years old. They talk about their personal experience as parents and their combined experiences counseling and working with lots and lots of first time parents over the years. And their takeaway message, in my opinion, is that well informed parents instinctively know how to care for their own kids. They say that there is a lot of advise out there, but that parents should make decisions for themselves and their family after finding out information. They also really encourage communication between the parents, like "here are some facts, here are different opinions, here is our personal opinion, now you should think about it and talk with your spouse and decide what is best for your family". Such a good book! I highly recommend it.

I think my most favorite thing about this pregnancy was feeling the baby move. I remember very well the first time I felt the baby move. I was lying in bed, on my stomach, and all the sudden I felt this twinge down in my guts. And I thought to myself, "huh. That was a a little weird. I don't think I have ever felt something quite lik-" then it dawned on me, I sat up real fast and said, "OH MY GOODNESS.....I THINK.... I JUST FELT THE BABY MOVE!"

Then I proceeded to tell mark-in detail-over and over what happened. Lucky him, eh?:-)

The next time I clearly felt the baby move, I was in bed, and I was sitting crossed legged and folded in half (I like to sit like that when I sleep/when I'm trying to sleep) and all the sudden there was this *pam!* in my guts. And I thought to myself, "Oh my goodness! That must have been the baby! ....oh wait..." then I sit up as I realize, "oh no! I must be squishing you! I'm sorry little baby!"

I am really glad that Mark finally did get to feel him move when we were at the hospital. He was not able to feel him ever, not once, during the whole pregnancy until the night before he was born. We were in the hospital and the little guy was moving like crazy and kicking the monitor, so I called mark over, put his hand on my tummy and waited. And the little guy kicked, and kicked, and kicked for his daddy! It was a wonderful moment. I am so grateful that Mark was able to have that experience.

At the end of the day, it is an amazing and humbling experience to be pregnant. After all the reading and the thinking and the talking, the undeniable fact is there was a little miracle happening inside of me and there was extremely little I could do to influence it. I could eat good, sleep, relax, and exercise, and that was about it. I could love the baby, pray for the baby, and that was about it. And yet there was a little person, growing, inside of me, all by himself. Babies are miracles. Plain and simple. I am so glad that we are able to have experiences like this that help us understand Heavenly Father a little better and appreciate this amazing opportunity we are blessed with.

Visiting my Family

I love to visit with my family. There are so many reasons, most of which I can't put into words. As I get older, I appreciate the time I am able to visit with my family more and more, because it is not something I can do as often as I would like.

I love that my mom takes special care to have enough beds for everyone when they visit, so we can all stay in the same house. I love that when I visit, the goose will sometimes stay over, and when I visit by myself, sometimes she will even stay in the same room with me and we can talk and giggle as we fall asleep! :-D

I love that on one of the early days when we visit, my mom will ask us what we want to eat and we will plan a menu and then go shopping and pack every inch of the fridge and freezer with food. Then for the next few days, we will make delicious meals everyday and stuff ourselves with leftovers. I love, love, love my mom's cooking. I don't even know how she does it. Even when she brings me a piece of bread with butter on it...it is the best bread with butter in the world. No lie.

Come to think of it, in my family, love is spelled "f-o-o-d" (hehehe)

I love going on walks with my mom in the morning as the sun comes up (getting up early is not one of my strong points, but luckily NM time is 2 hours behind IN time). The NM sunshine is something I could drink in everyday and never get tired of it. I love looking at the sandia mountains every time I visit and being amazed. I don't think it will every get over how clear the air is. I love walking up the hill and remembering walking up the same hill coming home from school and playing with the prickly-pear bushes and talking with my friends. I love seeing the house I grew up in. I love how it has changed, and how it hasn't. I remember telling my mom how sad I would be if she ever moved, but as I get older, I realize that moving is a part of life, and I wonder where my parents will end up. :-) (Next door to me in the house I will build for you, right mom?!)

When I visit, I love giving my mom "rubs" - either on her arm or her back, because I like helping her to feel better. She sacrifices all the time, all the time, to do nice things for her family and her friends, and I know how much it hurts her. Helping to relieve a little bit of that pain makes me feel better. I wish we lived closer, if nothing else, just so I could do that for her more often. My mom is such an example to me of strength and love. Her life is defined by the service she gives for others, and her love of the gospel. It is so great to be able to talk to her on the phone so often, but it is so different from being with her and being able to give her hugs and cook with her and talk with her. The older I get, the more I appreciate my mom and the more I realize how much I want to be like her.

I love spending time with my daddy too. I love listening to him talk about religion and politics and history. When you hang out with my dad, your brain grows. See, my dad is an avid book reader (although recently this has shifted to him being an avid books-on-tape listener) and he is an excellent story teller. When he has been reading about something he finds interesting, he likes to share it. If it is quiet for too long around my dad, he will tell you about things, and I love it. I love driving in the car with my dad and finding out what he is learning about. My dad is a true example of life-learning, and I hope to be able to do the same with kids.

I admit, I have strong family bias: If I have heard something from my dad first, it validates whatever source I hear it from second. Be it in school or the gospel. I bet my dad would laugh to know that, but so it is! My favorite example of this (which I may have shared before) is his telling me about how the atom works, and me having no idea what he was talking about (I was probably 10) but being really glad that my daddy was telling me something and knowing it must be cool. Fast forward several years to my senior physics class: my teacher is explaining about electron orbits and the picture my dad drew all those years ago blazes in my mind. THAT'S IT! This is what my dad was telling me about! My dad told me about this! My daddy is BRILLIANT!! Sometimes I think that is why I became an engineer, and why I went into nuclear engineering. I sure love my daddy, and his example is deeply rooted in who I am. I know sometimes my dad thinks that he is boring, but I never, ever want him to stop telling stories. I absolutely love it :-)

I love that when I visit with my family, we sit around, make crafts, watch movies, and talk. I also love when we do projects together working in the yard, or painting a room. Its nice to have something to do to keep your hands busy while you talk. I love listening to my mom tell stories about my grandma and her dad. I love visiting with my grandparents and listen to my grandpa tell stories about when he worked as a health inspector.

When we visit with my grandparents, I love walking through Nan's garden and looking at the changes she and grandpa have made. Their garden is a wonderland :-) I love visiting with nan and going through all the wonderful cook books she has found. Recently, she has been helping my grandpa eat good while on his diet restrictions, and she is a wealth of information on eating natural and healthy. It makes me so happy, because I think that is what I am going to have to eat to keep my guts happy. Ah, the joys of digestive problems. I love that I can call her and ask her advise on something. And I love listening to stories of she and grandpa working at the temple.

Did you know my grandpa studied nuclear engineering? Well, it wasn't called that when he went to school, but that's what he studied :-) I love listening to him tell stories about seeing the first bit of processed americium behind leaded glass, glowing like the end of a cigar butt. Or hearing stories about driving to public hearings and discussing what the safety limit of some exposure should be. It makes my field that much more real to me, and I love it is something I can share with him. I like to show him things that I am working on, and I make a point to bring copies of my research to show him. :-) Maybe he just humors me and feigns interest, but I love talking with him about something we have in common. And, when I learn about something my grandpa has told me about, for some reason that validates what my teachers are telling me. I won't lie: I totally have family bias.

There are a million reasons why I love visiting with my family, and they all revolve around how nice it feels to be with people and just be. My family never makes me feel like I am being judged, or that I am in trouble, they just love me and I love them and that defines our relationship. And when you love people, you help and serve them and want the best for them. I know that different families show love in different ways, and this time of year is great to remember and appreciate your family for what it is, whatever shape or size it comes in.

Evans Family Pictures!

My Mom, also thinking this was a great opportunity for a photo op, arranged for us to take family photos as the Evans family! Each of the kids got a color:

Kiora and her family was blue,

Iwalani and her family was red,

Mark and I were green,

and Mom dad and the goose were purple!

I am sporting a lovely pregnancy shirt I purchased that afternoon-I was so happy that me and Mark could find green shirts that matched. :-) Yay!

We took these pictures by the side of the Rio Grande, and I love that we can see the Sandia Mountains in the background on some of them. My mom took the pictures, and for the group shots, we used the timer. It was some pretty funny times. In fact, trying to get my dad smile for pictures is one of the more hilarious events of the evening.

It was also funny having to time the pictures so that the kids would be clean through the important ones. They really liked playing in the sand.

I love the sister shots :-)

I love the dooth! :-D

And this is one of my particular favorites! Mark was the photographer :-)

The next day, we went down to visit with my Aunt Cathy and Uncle Devin, Trish, Brendon, and Grandma Pauline! We took pictures then too, and since we were already color coordinates, we just wore the same things :-)

I love this close up with Grandma!

And this was just a funny photo. Do you think curly hair runs in my family? Hmmm...

And Brendon (the blonde on the far left)...needs a hair cut. End of story.

Balloon Fiesta!

There may not be colored leaves, there may not be painted bushes...but man does NM know how to have vibrant fall skies.

Fall, in NM, means balloon fiesta.

:-D

We were so happy to get to spend a week with my parents. And! My sister Kiora, her husband, and their kids were able to come so we had a little family reunion of our own! Yay! There is nothing so wonderful as getting together with family.

My mom was able to get tickets for us to go help crew a Wells Fargo balloon from her friend Andrea. I think that is by far the best way to experience the balloon fiesta. You get to:

- wake up super early (ok...that part is not so fun)

- drive down to the field using the alternate, secret, balloon crew entrance that avoids all the traffic

-park really close using the parking permit

-go to the balloon crew tent and eat DELICIOUS, NM food for breakfast in a festive warm tent and drink hot chocolate and chocolate milk (mmmmm).

-walk down with the crew people to the field as the sun comes up

-roll out the balloons

-and the best part! (besides breakfast)...watching in wonder as magic fills the air :-)

Special shapes day is my particular favorite.

You wait your turn as volley after volley of balloons lift off and float away. There are officials dressed up as zebras (really, the clothes people wear are intsense. I saw one lady who was so decked out, she was even wearing zebra stripped contact lenses. It was really freaky to look her in the eyes) who notify people when it is their turn to fill up and lift off. Once the crew head gets the OK to start filling, everything gets super exciting!

A couple of times, I was volunteered to be the person that holds the cords of the mouth open so that they don't burn off when the fire is blowing. It is a pretty intense job, the fire is so hot! But it is really fun to watch the balloon grow. Here is what it looks like from the inside!

And here she is all blown up and beautiful! :-D It is a good day when she gets to lift off. Sometimes when it is too windy, it is not safe to take her up in the air, so we just get to inflate and then deflate right on the field.

Bye-bye and good luck, stage coach-1 :-D We will see you on the other side!

Once your balloon is in the air, you jump in the van and race away to chase it! (hopefully you remembered to go to the bathroom by this point, especially if you drank lots of chocolate milk, because chase crews reeeeeally don't like to stop for potty breaks)

Its fun to listen to the people who know their way around ABQ discuss the best way to chase the balloon. My mom is really good at this since she knows the back roads and how to avoid the high traffic areas. Once you get to where you balloon is going to land, you get out, lay down the tarp, take your shoes off, and take the balloon down.

And, let me tell you. As fun as it is to put up a balloon, taking it down is 10 times funner. Here's why! :-D YOU GET TO ROLL AROUND AND SQUISH OUT ALL THE AIR! :-D They have you find a partner, grab hands, and line up. Then you lay down in a long line at the top of the balloon, and then as one, everyone rolls down the balloon very slowly until you get to the front and all the air is squished out!

Super awesome.

And then, after that, everyone does assembly line hefting to carry the balloon and pack it into the basket, then people jump on top and trod out the air, wine press style. It is a lot of fun.

Then! After the balloon is packed up all safe and sound, you head back to the field for some more delicious food.

*sigh* yes, this truly is the best way to go to the balloon fiesta :-)

Thanks Mom for getting us tickets and setting everything up! It was a blast!

Pfeil Family Photos

Since all of the Pfeil kids were together, Mark's mom took full advantage of the situation: photo op!

Her good friend came over, we spread out sheets, and had a picture session.

Here are some of my favorites!

The whole family!
I love this shot of Mark's parents :-)


Kisses! :-D
Sandy was happy to see Martin too! :-D
And here is us with our little baby in my tummy! I think this is my favorite picture of us :-)

But! I like this one too :-) What can I say, I married a handsome man and it makes it hard to choose a favorite picture.

It was so wonderful to spend time with Mark's family, and I was so glad that Martin was able to make it. We love you guys!

Christmas at the Pfeils

Michael and Lindsey came back to IN for Christmas! :-D And (obviously) they brought Noelle with them :-) And Becky came home from her first semester at college. Aaaaaaand!...MARTIN CAME!! :-D and what made it even better....it was a SURPRISE! :-D He didn't tell anyone except Mark's Mom and Dad who were in on the plan :-)

Apparently everyone guessed before he came (well, except me). He came up to the house and rang the doorbell, and they made Becky answer the door. She was so excited to see him :-) There was a hug-festival for a good half hour or so. And then! All of the Pfeil siblings were there for the holidays :-) Yaaaay!

It was really fun. We spent about a week all together before people had to go their separate ways and return to the real world. We played lots and lots of games, cooked lots and lots of food, and had a wonderful time.

It was also fun to swap pregnancy stories with Lindsey, since we were both pregnant at the same time! (She with their second and me with our first). It was a joy to stand around in the kitchen and talk with her and Becky and Mark's mom about girl things while the boys played games. *sigh* good times.

And Noelle was such a gem. She would let me read to her and carry her around and she called me "T" :-) It was adorable.

Here are some pictures that Lindsey took! (I forgot my camera...no shock there) :-(

The siblings all together again! Becky was tickled for a while before and after this shot. I am amazed it turned out this normal looking ;-) It looks like Mark and Martin are giving her a hug? Don't be fooled...they were restraining her for further tickle torture after the shot.

Here is Grandma Pfeil playing with Noelle! Noelle really liked playing with Grandma, and there were lots and lots of toys that marks mom had amassed for her granddaughter! This picture was taken at Great Grandma Pfeils house (Marks grandma) when we had a post-christmas family reunion with some of Mark's dad's siblings.

Noelle stuck on Grandpa Pfeils work boots. She looooved wearing around people shoes, so we generally stuck them in the utility room to minimize the temptation...I think she looks stinkin cute though :-)

Here is Grandma Pfeil playing the piano with Noelle! Noelle really liked it. Grandma played her primary songs, and would noelle keep saying "more, more" when she stopped :-) I think Mark's mom was in a little slice of heaven :-)

Another thing Noelle liked to do with her grandma pfeil is sit on the chair in their bedroom and have grandma read to her. When she would stop, or sometimes even before it the book was over, Noelle would say "more! more" or "moh! moh!"

Thanks for coming everyone! We were so glad to see you all and hope that we will not have to wait 3 years for the next reunion!